Wow, I learned something I must be growing

I went to a mandatory Divorce and Co-parenting class this past weekend.  It was free and very informative. I gained a wealth of knowledge.  I'm going to share a little of what I learned.

1. People going through a divorce need to lift their heads up a little higher.  We are survivors. 
   
   
   

   

   Everyone in that class walked in like poor, defeated souls.   This club of misfit toys looked so sad to be with each other on that early Saturday morning.  We made little to no eye contact, sat quietly and did as instructed.  Once we got in to the class, we each started opening up and sharing our devastating tales, each one sadder than the next.  I found myself not wanting to share because in my eyes, I have been walking through hell, clinging to life and making my way back out.  I had not been beaten, abused, cheated on, left penniless or anything near comparison to these ladies.  My heartbreak was mild by comparison.  So why has it felt like a death?
   
   
2. I'm still grieving. 
   
   I'm still in the mourning process of bullshit.  It's cyclical and there is no rhyme or reason to the emotions I go through.  I'm up and down, sad and happy, scared and excited.  I'm a modern day Sybil.  The stages are grief are the same for everyone but can occur at different times.  The counselor said something that hit me really hard.  She said, "You may be just starting to process this loss but for some of your spouses, they may have been at the acceptance stage when they decided to end it.  They may have gone through the other stages during the marriage so their journey will not look the same as yours."  This was a freaking Oprah A-HA moment for me.  Had my husband already mourned my loss?  God, I hope so.  I hope that his lack of emotion and empathy is just him already accepting the fact that our marriage was over.  Either that or shits about to get real for him.  I hope he has the support I did if it hasn't hit him.  I can't be that for him any longer.
   
   
   
   
3.   We are doing things right by being the best parents we can be.
   
   If there is one thing I know for sure.  We both love our daughter more than life itself.  We want nothing but the best for her and for her to have a life where both her parents are happy.  I'm happy to be the example that shows that a woman doesn't have to just sit and take scraps from a man and her dad is the example that sometimes wanting the best for someone means letting them go.  He couldn't love me the way I needed so I'm free to find it now.  As much as that rejection hurts, I get it.  I couldn't love myself for him so I better get out there and make the most of my life finding the love I need.   Not just for me, but for my kiddo to see that it's out there and it's real.  

I have 11 days left as a married woman and a bright future ahead of me. Here's to the future and all the unknowns that out there, good or bad, they are coming and I'm going to make the unforgettable.  I'll do my best not to cry through it either.