Hope + Faith = Action

Why do people think just because you are moving on with your life that you have no hope?  Today I was told that I have no faith because I'm not willing to wait for my wasband to change and come back home.  I, of all people have had the most hope of all.  I am a faith talker, positive thinker, change maker but mainly bright-sider.  I have spent the last few years of my life, hoping and praying, wishing and believing for change.  The truth is, the change I received wasn't the kind of change I was wishing and praying for.  When is time to call it quits and stop hoping?

For me, the answer is never.  I will always hope that my wasband looks at me and knows that he didn't make a mistake when he married me.  I didn't make a mistake when I chose him. I chose him because he was kind, loving and so much fun.  He was the kind of man I hoped to spend my life with.  I never thought this was how I would end up.  I made a mistake when I chose to put him and his needs over my own.  I HOPE that one day I can hear from him that he is sorry for hurting me that way he did and I HOPE that one day I will believe him.  Right now, I don't know the man that drops off my daughter.  I don't see him anymore.  I HOPE one day he does come back.  But for his own sake, not my own.

I will always HOPE that my daughter looks back at the time we spent together as a family of 3 and remember only the good times.  I will HOPE that my daughter doesn't hold any anger in her heart towards us for failing her.  I will HOPE that she understands why we left when we did.  I couldn't take the rejection any longer.  I HOPE she realizes her worth way before she ever dares to sacrifice herself at any cost.    I HOPE she is not like me.   I HOPE she is okay.

I will always have hope because hope leads to faith and faith leads to action. I want my hope and faith to speak for itself daily by my actions.   I want to get up every morning and live my life as though I have no choice.  I have to speak like I have no choice so I can be heard.  I can't care what people think about my decisions any longer.  This is my life.  I will choose to live it as I see fit.  I HOPE you understand.  I need to love myself because I have no choice. It's a privilege to love so I will do it daily and do it for myself.  I will not spend another day of my life hoping and waiting for someone who doesn't love me the way I love them.  I will love without conditions and hope that one day I find that in return.

I am looking forward to the next chapter of my life because it's hopeful,  Who knows what's out there for me and my daughter?  For once in my life, I'm hopeful for myself and no one else.  I'm not hoping for some man's happiness and approval to determine my own.  I'm putting myself first.  Here's to hoping for the best.  Living by faith.  And acting like you are worth it.